I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
