I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
