You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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