She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
