Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
