just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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