I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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