I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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