the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
