He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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