if only i could text you this smell
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
