my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
