It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
