the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize