bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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