This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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