On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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