i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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