Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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