We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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