what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
