I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
