If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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