the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
