you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
