So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
