Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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