what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
