Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
