so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
