fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
