my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
