well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We're too hungover to prance.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize