I wish I could punch you in the face.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
