i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
