So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
