Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
