you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
