I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
