I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
May the power of my ass compel you!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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