I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
