Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
