Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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