We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
