I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
