my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
