im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
