she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
