Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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