A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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