i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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