A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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