things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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