I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
