About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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