"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
