so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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