I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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