So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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