I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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