Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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