Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
