Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
