Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
