More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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