I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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