Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
