So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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