If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
don't judge my taste in strippers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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