life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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