Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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