the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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