I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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