my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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